yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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