need another drink. this is the easiest way
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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