first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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