Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize