this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
