Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
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