Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
