I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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