At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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