Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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