im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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