Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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