oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
