You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize