it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
