If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
