I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
