I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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