it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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