so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
