I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
