literally had 100 drinks last night.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
