Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
