i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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