she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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