she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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