he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
