I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
