DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
