I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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