Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
