my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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