How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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