I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
