Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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