this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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