pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Never underestimate the power of titties
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