how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
