She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
