i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
