I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
