I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
