You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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