hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
