I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
