if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize