Me. At least after what I've been through.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
