New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
