I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize