I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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