yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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