You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
