I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
