how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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