Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
