life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
