So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
