i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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