whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize