I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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