I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize