im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
