update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
