Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
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