I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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