Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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