I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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