You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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