yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
