y did u give ur computer a hand job?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
