I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
