I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
