Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
